I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
