Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
