Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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