I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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