hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
