where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
