She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
