my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
