He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
