i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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