We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
