Too much gin, very little bucket
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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