his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
