Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
