Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
