my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
