I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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