Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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