The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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