Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize