Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
