the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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