You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize