she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
