why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
