What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
