she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
