At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
