God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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