And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
