So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
