She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
