I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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