whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
he was CRYING into my vagina
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
