I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
