You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
