just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
