Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
soo... how was my night?
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