Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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