the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
