Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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