is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
