We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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