Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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