Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
