I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
