Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It's shark week go big or go home
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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