there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
