yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
