8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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