Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
