i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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