i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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