Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
