..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
