I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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