bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
