my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
