she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
