Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
