You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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