So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
