the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize