just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
