She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
