I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
